The following piece was originally published in Thereby Hangs a Tale, Issue 2, 2007:
Idle and blessed. I heard this line in a poem recently and it really made me think. I can certainly understand that to be idle is to be blessed, but what is idle?
I decided that idle is how I feel now. Not idle in the truest sense of the word, but for me, idle is not having to do something that has to be done right now. Idle means that I have the time to do something that I want to do: sew, read, write, have coffee, etc…. Being idle is all about me, you could say that I put the “I” in idle.
Because my idle time is limited, I am often very busy when I am idle and find myself trying to fit as much fun into my idle time as possible. A few years ago, I tried to teach myself a lesson about enjoying my idle time. I found myself rushing through one of my very favorite activities: quilting. I would spend hours in my sewing room working away on patchwork quilts, appliqué quilts, hand quilting projects and machine quilting projects. I did it all and I loved it, that is, until I found myself feeling tense and behind schedule with my quilts. When I started to feel the way I did at work, I knew I had to sit back and think about what I was doing. I mean, this was supposed to be fun, wasn’t it? Something relaxing to help me unwind. Something just for me. I realized that I was placing more emphasis on the timelines for these projects, rather than the task of actually doing them. And so began my new personal mantra for idle-time activities: enjoy the task, not the timeline. I would often mutter this aloud to myself as I felt myself tensing up or becoming anxious about getting “behind.” And it worked, for a while.
Shortly after my daughter was born I tried to do yoga at home to relax during my idle time (i.e. the time I had when she was napping and I was not so tired that I needed a nap myself). But it just did not work for me, and my mantra failed me, too. I found myself unable to stop thinking of all the things I had to do. It went something like this: “OK, I have to get the laundry in the machine, get the wet stuff into the dryer, go downstairs to do some yoga, relax, get back upstairs, fold the stuff from the dryer…” You get the idea. And when (if) I actually got to the yoga, it wasn’t much better: “OK, downward facing dog, hold this pose, how much time is left? 20 minutes, OK, I have to hurry up and get relaxed so I can finish folding the laundry, pump a bottle of breast milk and start thinking about what we are going to have for supper tonight.” Real relaxing!
Now that my daughter is getting more independent and my mother-in-law (God bless her!) takes care of my daughter every Monday, I have more idle time, and I really think I am getting better at using it in a more truly idle fashion. Instead of rushing around to get the “important” stuff done, I go directly to a coffee shop after dropping her off and sit down with a latte and a book, or a journal and a pen. I read and write until I feel relaxed and ready to go on with the rest of my week. I have taken back my idle time and feel that I have become somewhat selfish with it. I hoard it. I protect it. I purposely leave some of the housework undone or ignore errands that need to be run, because I resent having to give up my idle time for them. And for that revelation about being idle, I am blessed.
